I’m getting on a train tonight and leaving the country for the first time since I came here. I’m hoping I can come back to Laos in 2014 and have a do-over. Maybe the New Year (which it culturally doesn’t even recognise as the New Year, but I digress) will inspire some new connection between the two of us.
I just pulled out my backpack for what will be my first experience using it without needing to also move and carry everything I own. The last time I used my pack I was moving from my house to my new apartment; the time before that I was creeping overland across Europe and Asia like a turtle moving from Albania to Laos with all my possessions strapped to me; the time before that I was sailing across an ocean and training my way down to Albania.
When I dragged my pack out from under my bed, I also found an unexpected heap of feelings about my partner leaving.
Considering the fact that he got it for me, and every trip I took with it he took with me, bringing it out for my first trip since he left felt far, far heavier than carrying everything I own in the world.
For now, it’s that train, and Ayutthaya and Bangkok for a week. I have no idea where I’ll be the week after that, and I am more than okay with that.
Fast train
Where do your passengers wait?
What’s at the heart of your engine’s rage?
To what smooth place at the end of the line
With crackling fires and quiet plains
Do the trees bend down
Fold their limbs round you
Welcome home faithful one
We forgive you
Slow down fast train
Slow down fast train
Take me with you
Originally published December 21st, 2013
